Good Day Brewers - Pang here! ☕

If you’ve been reading my emails for a couple of weeks…

And we haven’t once met or talked to each other…

Would you consider me a familiar stranger?

Reply and let me know!

I’m looking to turn more of you into friends with my “Midas Touch of Friendship”!

Enjoy this one!

Estimated reading time: 1,571 words — 6 mins 36 secs

Familiar Strangers

I graduated not too long ago from the Singapore University of Social Sciences (SUSS).

In the first year, we had to attend a compulsory onboarding program known as “Experiential Team Building”.

We went through many activities together as a team of twenty freshmen and two senior facilitators over the course of three days.

One of them was a deep reflection exercise where we were all put into a quiet and dark room — like a prison with two doors and no escape. Except that calm tranquil music was being played in the background.

Despite that, I could feel the tension in the air — somber as if I was at a funeral.

We’ve been warned beforehand by Claire, the lead facilitator for this activity, that this was going to be a difficult journey.

There were five stations we had to complete.

At each station, we needed to reflect deeply on a question and write down these answers on a piece of paper.

One of the stations had us reflecting on a happy childhood memory.

And another, had us asking what we wanted to say to ourselves in four years’ time—when we were standing on stage in our graduation gown receiving our graduation certificate, basking in the glorious moment of overcoming four years of tedious lectures and back-to-back assignment submissions.

But the deepest and darkest moment came on the last station, where I had to write down a trauma that I’ve experienced which continues to haunt me today — an incident that happened when I was 14.

That experience had so much emotional weight that I could feel a lump in my throat.

I was fighting back those tears as those thoughts brought back memories of the fateful day that shook my life.

It left me stranded on a lost island.

Now, I’m sitting in a circle with 21 other humans. Each has had their fair share of struggles and setbacks in life.

“Tammie, you may begin sharing first,” said Hau, a senior facilitator.

She paused for a moment, tears already welling in her eyes.

Gathering her courage to share her most difficult setback in life? That is tough. I wasn’t even sure if I was ready.

“When I was six..”

By the time she was finished, everyone else already had tears welling in her eyes.

But that wasn’t even magical until this moment happened.

Adeline, who was sitting on her right, turned towards her and did the most incredible thing. She extended her arms and gave Tammie a tight squeeze.

Angela, who was on her left, also reached out to grab her delicate hands and gave her a light comforting squeeze to reassure her that everything was going to be okay.

Now all of this would have seemed normal
if the three of them were best friends.

But they weren’t.

They were strangers who didn’t even know of each other’s existence until today.

And this is where it gets confusing.

It was the first time I’ve experienced this fuzzy feeling within me—just by witnessing a rare and heartwarming sight.

If sharing a moment of weakness is going to get me some love and support, why not?

My “defense system” was down.

It was finally my turn…

“When I was 14… A terrible thing happened…”

This time, I did not fight back my tears as they streamed down my cheeks.

The room fell silent.

I felt a pat on my shoulders.

It was a powerful and comforting moment.

I felt liberated—a heavy stone lifted from my chest.

It felt good to be heard and seen.

And it felt better to establish trust with others in that same room through a common ground—vulnerability.

No regrets for “stripping myself naked” in front of a group of strangers, who later became my friends on this journey together.

Are you sharing your VULNERABLE moments?

People don’t remember what you say. But they’ll remember how you made them feel.

You know, it’s true.

That happened so long ago, that I couldn’t recall the story that Tammie shared.

But I remember being put on the seat of the roller coaster, having the emotional ride of my life.

I’ll never forget the somber atmosphere and the sequence of events that unfolded before my very eyes.

Relatable Moments

Did you spot the moments where this story is relatable?

• Like joining the school’s orientation program

• Participating in a group activity

• Reflecting on childhood memories

• Sharing a difficult moment

• Receiving a hug

Midas Touch

In Greek Mythology, King Midas has the ability to turn anything he touches into gold.

In the story above, I just shared with you the secrets to doing that.

Well, not exactly.

I can’t turn strangers into gold even though that would be cool…

But this secret will show you how to turn any stranger you touch into a friend.

Touch, not as in coming into contact with, but instead, sharing an emotional side that resonates with the person you’re talking to.

Empathy

Adeline and Angela empathized with Tammie when she shared a difficult story.

Everyone in the group did.

As a result, we lowered our guards and defenses. We were more willing to share a difficult moment in our lives when all of these happened!

Therefore, empathy is the KEY to building relationships.

Here are SEVEN ways you can become more empathetic towards others.

#1 - Practice Active Listening

The key to active listening is simply, listening!

But it’s a lot more than just that.

It’s about paying attention to what someone is saying without:

• Judgment

• Interruption

• Trying to think of something to say

In a calm and quiet setting, it’s much easier to pay attention to someone who’s speaking.

But when there are background noises, it gets a lot harder.

Here’s what you can do:

• Summarize what the person has just said

• Ask questions to clarify certain points, and not assume.

• Maintain non-verbal cues like nodding your head and eye contact

Try out these dialogues:

“So what you’re trying to say is…., right?”

“Can I clarify that… is what you mention?”

“It must have been hard going through…”

#2 - Put Yourself in Their Shoes

It’s not always easy to understand what someone is going through in their life.

But the best way to do so is to imagine yourself in the exact scenario they were in.

Imagine the:

• Visual environment

• Background noises

• The characters around him/her

• The thoughts that are going through his/her mind

• What it must have felt to be in that situation

Transport yourself to the moment where it happened, as the person is sharing his/her story.

That way, you’ll know how awful it must have felt.

#3 - Ask Open-Ended Questions

The best way to express concern is to probe further.

Ask more questions as the person is sharing—this shows that you’re genuinely interested to find out more.

Questions like:

• “How do you feel about that?”

• “Why did you feel that way?”

• “Can you tell me more about what happened?”

#4 - Practice Non-Judgement

It’s easy to make assumptions and judgments after you’ve heard someone sharing their experiences or emotions.

But remember this:

• Their feelings are valid—even if you disagree.

• Their experiences are real—even if it's unbelievable.

• Whatever they’ve faced has already passed—they shouldn’t be judged in the present

Be quick to empathize, not judge.

#5 - Validate their feelings

“I know you’re going through a tough time. Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m here for you.”

Acknowledge and appreciate someone for simply sharing their feelings.

Help them feel SEEN or HEARD.

That’s what most people need, especially on “rainy” days.

#6 - Cultivate Self-Awareness

Do you reflect internally to understand why you go through certain emotions?

Understanding your own feelings can help you relate to others better.

Ask yourself questions like:

• Am I actively listening when others speak? Or am I thinking of an answer?

• How do I typically react to other people's emotions? Do I avoid or dismiss them?

• Do I make an effort to understand other’s perspectives and feelings, especially when they’re different from my own?

• What biases or prejudices do I hold, and how do they affect my empathy?

• Am I always trying to give advice? Or do I provide support and encouragement?

#7 - Ask for Constructive Feedback

Whenever I’m having a deep conversation with my girlfriend…

I’d like to ask her this question at the end of it all.

“Did I make you feel seen or heard?”

Sometimes she’ll say “Yes!”

And of those times she said “No!”, she’ll tell me exactly what my problem is.

Yes, I have this issue of “trying to give advice when it’s not needed”.

And you might too!

So why not, try asking this question at the end of each conversation?

Before you go…

Remember.

The secret element to stories with depth is EMPATHY.

That’s it for this one.

I’m looking to spice up my emails a little, by switching up the format.

That means you’d be receiving more emails from me!

Switching to Convert Kit soon!

And I’m working hard on getting my cohort page up and ready!

Lots of exciting stuff are coming your way!

Stay tuned~

Your Barista,

Pang

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